I would like to begin with an apology. Right now, there are 7 drafts sitting in my review folder. I have indie films to analyze, antique anthropology to bring back into the light, and a hatchet job on Mamma Mia 2 which consumes me with evil joy.
But nothing – nothing – can come before Mission: Impossible. I am totally biased on this topic. I have been nurturing weird fan theories for years, so as well as a review, you are going to have to sit through the internet equivalent of someone sitting at a bar emanating weird smells and muttering to themselves.
I’m probably going to get kicked off the blog for this. Thanks for the excuse to rewatch the series. Continue reading “Mission: Impossible – from I to Fallout”
New York is in danger from gun-wielding ninja gangs, robot samurai, and corrupt scientists. The citizens have only one hope, and no one knows about them.
April O’Neil, a reporter who is more intrepid than her job allows, discovers hints of the existence of a secret vigilante force: a group of ninjas who are also giant talking turtles.
Continue reading “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) – Review”
If, hypothetically, something strange was occurring in your neighbourhood, then you might reasonably want to contact someone about the issue. The question is who?
The answer is four women, three of whom are disgraced scientists, operating from above a terrible takeaway. As the only people who believe in ghosts, this underfunded and distinctly amateur outfit is humanity’s last and only line of defence against the restless dead. Continue reading “Ghostbusters (2016) – Review”
Plague sweeps through the land, and there is no other possible explanation than witchcraft. Two battle-hardened crusaders (Cage, Perlman) who have renounced the violence of the Church are given a choice – face execution for desertion, or transport a witch to the abbey of Severac, where her evil can be destroyed. Continue reading “Season of the Witch (2011) – Review”
US troops in Moldova encounter a new enemy – a silent, invisible killer, able to kill with a touch, and barely perceptible even with their new, high-tech goggles.
Until they have some understanding of the possibly-supernatural threat, the soldiers can’t begin to fight back. The scientist who invented the goggles is sent to investigate – to work out exactly what the enemy is, and how to kill it. As the enemy grows more numerous and more aggressive, the troops are picked off one by one.
Continue reading “Spectral (2016) – Review”
The zombie was is over. Humans won, and now the shambling dead can be found only in one place – an exclusive, expensive resort off the coast of Africa. There, tourists can match themselves against a (carefully-secured) zombie, seeking thrills or revenge.
The resort has state-of-the-art security. The illusion of danger is nothing more than that; as long as the fences and restraints hold, no guest has anything to fear. The resort is run with almost military efficiency by armed guards.
Obviously, the security fails and zombies overrun the island. It is always the way. Continue reading “The Rezort (2015) – Review”
A research facility on Mars sends out a distress signal, and the Rapid Response team is scrambled to deal with the threat – whatever it is. Sensitive data must be recovered, the cause of the problem must be found, and nothing dangerous can be allowed to breach the quarantine and return to Earth.
The team of hardened marines have to deal with mutated monsters, ruthless scientists, and their own interpersonal dynamics in order to survive. It’s not easy, and they have to shoot things a lot.
Continue reading “Doom (2005) – Review”